Three Words You Don’t Want to Hear (and What You Can Do About Them) : Parent and Teen Connection

Three Words You Don’t Want to Hear (and What You Can Do About Them)

March 5, 20140 Comments

i hate youIt’s tough to be a teen parent, but it gets even harder when they get to the “I Hate You!” phase. Not sure what to do? These tips can help.

Everyday Parenting Ideas: I Hate You! 6 Tips for Surviving Teen Angst

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he’d learned in seven years.”―Mark Twain

Few parents would say they have launched a child into adulthood without hearing the dreaded, “I hate you!” in the throes of a heated exchange with a red-faced, fist-clenched adolescent. For parents who haven’t heard it, they have almost certainly felt it through a seething glare or the rock-solid freeze of a cold-shoulder.

This stage of adolescence (and yes, it’s generally a stage) can make parents feel unfit, unqualified, and unsteady. The parenting strategies you thought were good and right feel like they’re not working. It’s kind of like putting in the ingredients for a chocolate cake, but pulling out a cherry pie. What’s a parent to do?

Tip #1: Breathe. Literally. If you are feeling really disconnected from your teen, you are likely feeling some pretty strong feelings yourself. Concentrated breaths help calm the body’s fight or flight response, lower heart rate and blood pressure, and restore reason. Breathing before responding is a good thing to model for your teen. It might feel strange at first, but keep practicing. For breathing tips, read Michele Timmons’ article,Sanity Saving Tips for Crazy Busy Moms on the ParentFurther blog.

Tip #2: Resist the temptation to climb into the sandbox with your child. “Oh yeah, well right back at ya!” may provide a temporary relief, and a way to vent your frustration, but it will not help the situation and may push your teen even further away. It’s difficult, but your teen needs you to show that you can remain calm, even when tension levels are high.

Tip #3: Get to know the teenage brain. It can help you gain perspective to know that your teen’s prefrontal cortex (the reasoning part of the brain) is in a bit of a stall mode right now, which is part of why you’re seeing a temporary increase in emotional response and a decrease in common sense. A great resource for learning about your teen’s developing brain is Dr. David Walsh’s book, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. A firm grip on teen development can serve as part of the antidote for when you’re asking yourself, what am I doing wrong? You’re probably doing a lot of things right. You just can’t see the results yet.

Read more at Parent Further.

Don’t give in to that “I Hate You” mentality. It’s tough, but someone has to help them grow up, and that someone is absolutely you.

Three Words You Don’t Want to Hear (and What You Can Do About Them)

Article: Three Words You Don’t Want to Hear (and What You Can Do About Them)

Source: Parent Further

Filed in: Advice for Parents
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