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	<title>The Parent &#38; Teen Connection Blog</title>
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	<description>Help for communications for parents and teens</description>
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		<title>Communicate with your Teen</title>
		<link>http://parentteenconnection.com/blog/?p=18</link>
		<comments>http://parentteenconnection.com/blog/?p=18#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:54:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>John Carter</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Teen Problems]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[teenager teen problems communicate]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://parentteenconnection.com/blog/?p=18</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[ 
The first step in facing teenage problems head-on is learning effective communication.  Poor communication breaks down trust between parents and kids. It is in fact an impediment to relationships of all kinds. The good news is communication skills are teachable and when applied &#8211; for the purpose of this article &#8211; with teens, teenage [...]]]></description>
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<p><span style="font-family: &quot;Tahoma&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;">The first step in facing teenage problems head-on is learning effective communication.  Poor communication breaks down trust between parents and kids. It is in fact an impediment to relationships of all kinds. The good news is communication skills are teachable and when applied &#8211; for the purpose of this article &#8211; with teens, teenage problems will minimize.</span><span style="font-family: &quot;Tahoma&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;"><br />
Pause Before You Speak<br />
When asked for advice on how to deal with teenage problems, professionals often pass along the age-old wisdom of counting to 10 before engaging in conversation with your teen.  Sage advice, but easier said than done; especially when the discussion activates your anxiety. One of my clients who’d been dealing with teenage problems told me about a situation that illustrates this point clearly.<br />
My client had just picked up her son from school.  They’d been dealing with a few teenage problems over the years, but things were going fairly smoothly in the middle of his senior year.  After a few minutes of silence he turned off the car radio and said,<br />
“Mom, I’ve decided not to go to college…”<br />
Without allowing him to finish his sentence, or asking how he’d come to this decision, his mother pulled the car over and began screaming at him.<br />
“What do you mean you’re not going to college?!”<br />
It really wasn’t a question because she didn’t care about the answer.  She just kept screaming and in minutes a fierce power struggle ensued.  Her son had really wanted to discuss this with her. (Remember, he turned the radio off.  How often does that happen with a teenager?) Instead he shut down, crossed his arms and averted his gaze, unwilling to hear a word she said.<br />
If mom would’ve taken a slow, deep breath or counted to ten before she spoke, she would’ve built a foundation of trust with her son before their conversation.  This was an opportunity for her first communication; a wordless communication that said, “I’m listening.”  The pause would have given her son time to realize that his mom was respecting his right to make choices, that there was no easy answer, and that she wasn’t abandoning him; three important building blocks in working through teenage problems.<br />
When you begin to build trust with your teen by listening, you’ll slowly break down the walls wrought by teenage problems, and work to create a happy, healthy relationship with your child.<br />
</span></p>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Parenting Tips</title>
		<link>http://parentteenconnection.com/blog/?p=3</link>
		<comments>http://parentteenconnection.com/blog/?p=3#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:36:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>John Carter</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Pre Teen]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Advise]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Teenagers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Teens]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tips]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[What works and what’s outdated?

Dr. Spock helped raise more children in the 50s and 60s with his parenting tips, than any other authority on child rearing.  Now I know there’s someone out there wondering what kind of parenting tips a character from Star Trek could offer.  That was Mr. Spock.  Benjamin Spock was an American [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><span style="font-weight: normal;">What works and what’s outdated?</span></h2>
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<p>Dr. Spock helped raise more children in the 50s and 60s with his parenting tips, than any other authority on child rearing.  Now I know there’s someone out there wondering what kind of parenting tips a character from Star Trek could offer.  That was Mr. Spock.  Benjamin Spock was an American pediatrician whose book Baby and Child Care, published in 1946, is one of the most popular books of all time.</p>
<p>One of the most valuable parenting tips Dr. Spock communicated to mothers was, “you know more than you think you do.” Spock was the first pediatrician to study psychoanalysis in order to understand children’s needs as they related to family dynamics. His ideas about childcare revolutionized parenting by influencing several generations of parents to be more flexible and affectionate with their children.  One of his most valuable parenting tips was to treat children as individuals, whereas the previous conventional wisdom had been that child rearing should focus on building discipline.</p>
<p>Prior to the parenting tips offered by Dr. Spock, new parents were counseled by well-meaning adults that babies should not be “spoiled” by picking them up when they cried. They were told to feed their children on a regular schedule, and that they should not carry them, kiss them, or hug them, because that would not prepare them to be strong and independent individuals in a harsh world. On the contrary, Spock’s parenting tips encouraged parents to see their children as unique individuals, and not assume that what was good for one child was good for all.</p>
<p>Born in the mid 50s, Maria was raised by staunch, strict parents.  They were first generation Italian, and wanted to assure that she not becorrupted by American culture.  She wasn’t aloud to dress like the other girls, and she had to come straight home from school every day.  She was never given permission to play with anyone who wasn’t part of her family’s circle of friends.</p>
<p>Maria grew into a young woman and married the nephew of one of her parents Italian friends.  They got along very well, and after about 18 months, they had their first child, a boy.  Maria’s mother was extatic.  She visited almost every day, and was quick to offer parenting tips to her daughter. “Let the baby cry awhile before you pick him up.”  “You’ll spoil him if you kiss him too much.” “Don’t feed him in between if he doesn’t eat at meal time.”  Everything her mother taught her, she taught Maria.</p>
<p>Intuitively Maria knew that the parenting tips her mother offered, though well meant were somewhat out dated. She felt in her heart that it was okay to hug and kiss her baby, and shower him with affection.  Maria followed her instincts, and did what she felt was best for her son.  She took classes that offered contemporary parenting tips she felt comfortable with.  Her son grew to be a happy healthy child, and today is a loving, affectionate father of three.</p>
<p>Everyone has their own idea of what’s best for children.  Even some of Dr. Spock’s parenting tips have been scrutinized by other professionals.  As a parent the best thing you can do is be informed.  No one is perfect.  Every parent makes a few mistakes along the way. As long as you are kind, loving and respectful toward your children, there’s a good chance they’ll grow into healthy adults, no matter what mistakes you make.</p>
<p>What ever happened to Dr. Spock?  With the sale of 50,000,000 copies, his book on child care is listed by Guiness Book of World records as the best selling book ever. In 2004, Dr, Spock’s  Baby and Child Care was on it’s 8th edition.  Parents are still finding value 60 years later.</p>
<p>Another great resource is “Why Do They Act Like That? &#8211; A guide For Parents With Teenagers available at <a href="http://www.ptcbook.com/" target="_blank">www.PTCBook.com</a></div>
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